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Tag Archives: Relationships

Mountaintop Couples Retreat- Part II (why are we together & where are we going)?

 

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Question #1. Why are we together?

What an opener.  How does one even answer that?

And yet for us, the answer came almost immediately.  Jarring in it’s truth, it is why we work as a couple.

We are together because we bring what the other needs to move farther into a deeper, more fulfilling life.  To evolve, if you will, from where we started in life.

I was raised with unconditional love.  For all our faults, my family gave me unconditional love from birth.  I’ve also had unconditional love spiritually, as I have had faith since early childhood.

My husband was raised with the mantra of “no excuses”.  It doesn’t matter what is thrown in your path or how hard things get, you are responsible for living the life you desire.

Combine the two and we can build a life that knows no limits.  We balance each other out and have the opportunity to raise children who are fully loved, loving, and self-responsible (responsible for own well-being).

Why are you together with your partner? I’d be interested in others’ answers.

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Question #2- What direction are you going as a couple?

As we worked through the questions, a thought kept reoccurring.  My husband and I have been able to stay together as a team through the past decade because we asked most of the important questions when we were first getting serious.  We had a long distance relationship.  You can only use small talk and recounts of your day for so long.  To fill hours on a phone or pages in a letter (email was just beginning when we met), you have to get real.  We discussed everything from our values, to how we wanted to raise kids, to what old age would look like.  We have been through so much in the last 15 years, but through it all we have been generally heading in the same direction.

The beauty of doing a retreat as a couple (as opposed to a group) is you can start from where you are.  For some, this is will be the first step in determining the direction and mission of your family.  For us, rather than finding our direction, our goals became clearer, refined.  We focused on refining how our team works and treats one another.  The planning for our future was less a battle of what direction to go and much more a discussion of when to enact certain changes we knew we both desired.

Our direction is clear, we want a life filled with love, exploration, helping others and the freedom on make our own life choices.  We began this fifteen years ago.  We are now well on our way, living in our desired location, raising our two beloved sons, and saving for the day when we no longer need to work full-time jobs.

To achieve this, we need to continue to simplify our lives.  Avoid added distractions, expenses, and negativity.

The beauty of acknowledging our direction is how simple it is once again to say no to things that do not aid us.  For the past year we have discussed getting a camping trailer, it aids our goal of exploring and spending quality, family time in nature.  However, it hurts our savings goals and our simplification goal.  We would have to find a storage place and maintain yet another big purchase.  After our retreat, we no longer need to discuss it, it doesn’t fit where we are right now.  There is beauty in knowing your decisions are rooted in your life direction and you as a couple do not need to keep rehashing the same ideas.

What is your direction as a couple?  Are you beginning your journey or well on your way?

 

Success

 

imageThankful.

Retreat filled with beauty, comfort, deep conversations, life changing plans, and facing fears as a team. Including, my first mountain bike ride (pretty extreme, long and amazing- you can see a bit of the trail just above the raging creek).  More to come…

Not letting go

 

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The previous post regarding letting go of relationships that no longer serve your life, led to some reader questions centered around the energy interactions of marriage/long term relationships.

When evaluating marriage and other long term relationships, it is important to look at the long term trajectory of the relationship and to be serious about changing dynamics that do not work before deciding to let go of the relationship altogether.

Pain is present in all relationships.  We are all flawed, those closest to us know our flaws intimately.  Often, they are hurt by our flaws, as we are hurt by theirs. Growth as a partner comes when we decide to respect our partner and ourselves even through the pain inflicted.  Not by martyering oneself, but by choosing our reactions.

I grew up in a fiery household, conflict often resulted in tears and raised voices.  I now choose to pause before reacting, take a moment before response and remember that I am speaking with someone who loves and respects me.  It is amazing the results of that little change.

Relationships are transformative and offer continued opportunity for growth.  The intimate nature of marriage and long term relationships allows us to focus on intentionally changing ways of being that no longer serve us.  There is often a good reason criticism from our partner hurts, a reason it is our achilles heel.  Often, they are the very things that bother us about ourselves.

As described in detail here (cultivating intuition), I believe we keep repeating lessons until we master them.  I would like to keep making the changes needed to move onto the next lesson.

“There is only one corner of the universe you can be certain of improving, and that is your own self.” -Aldous Huxley
Share what has helped you in changing relationship dynamics.

Letting go

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A glorious week spent with beloved friends, (skiing, eating sushi, drinking Mexican mules, and watching our little ones play together) has left me in a loving mood.  I am reminded of an important life lesson that is not often mentioned, letting go.

There is room in my life to spend a week with these beloved people because I have consistently let go of relationships that no longer fit my life.

Every interaction affects us energetically.  We walk away either depressed, unchanged or elevated. Multiply these energy exchanges over the course of a relationship and you can imagine the affect your relationships have on your life path.

So, choose, make a conscious decision on who you spend your life with.  Be aware of the energy you give out in your relationships. Be prepared to end (or limit) time with people who no longer fit where you are in your life.

This also goes for actions. Life is short.  Everything counter to your purpose takes away from what you can accomplish, learn, and create.

 

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